Over the past few months I may have formed a new psychotic disorder. I would say it is very similar to schizophrenia only I don't see people, these assholes actually exist and I just make up what they say. I am fairly positive I know the cause of my disorder because I only experience these delusions at the Olive Garden. For instance today a sane person would have viewed me checking on a table to see if they needed anything: asking if they want more salad, checking drink levels, smiling and acknowledging their needs with the desire to fulfill them. My perception is a little different. I went up to the table to ask if everything was alright, they responded with a half smile and said " we need more salad" to this I responded "why  don't you go fuck yourself tubby, there is a reason you are fat". Then I left to get the salad. Upon returning a sane person would have seen me smiling and grating cheese over a garden salad served with a side of extra fatty fatty dressing.  What I see is this...I go to the table and say “here, I brought you more cholesterol, would you like me to hook up an IV with this dressing? Really it's no trouble. You might die a wee bit faster which is excellent for me".
I haven't been making good tips lately